One thing that I notice when I first start working with my clients is how they will talk about themselves in a negative way. The odd comment here and there about how they are a ‘bad mum’ or how they ‘should’ be doing more or the ‘shouldn’t’ have done something and there is lots of blame thrown in there too.
Unlike a conversation with a friend where they might nod, or say ‘oh and me’ – as a coach I don’t respond in that way. Instead, I note the comments down and then I challenge clients on these comments with questions like:
- How true is it that you are a bad mum?
- What do you want to believe instead?
- What is making you feel like you should do more?
- How would it feel to let go of the ‘shoulds’ in your life?
The answers to these questions means that clients can see (sometimes for the first time) a different way, one where they realise what they repeatedly tell themselves may not be true.
This is the first step to breaking down those old, outdated and false stories about themselves and more importantly, this makes way for more positive stories that are true and more accurately reflect reality. When those outdated beliefs are challenged and clients take action on their goals believing those new positive beliefs – something changes.
They no longer talk about themselves in this negative way and instead, cut themselves some slack.
When I point this out to clients, the negative things they used to say about themselves versus how they talk about themselves after 6 coaching sessions, it is just amazing to see what a huge change can be made to those negative beliefs in a short space of time.
It makes such a huge difference to your everyday life too, when you can cut yourself some slack and stop putting that pressure on yourself, life just feels that little bit easier!
Journal around these questions and see what comes up for you:
- What are the negative things that you say about yourself to other people?
- What would you like to believe instead?
- If you believed these more positive ideas about yourself, what goals would you try to achieve?
Jenna Folarin 