I was talking to my friend the other day about how she was finding work – (she’s been back at work for about 6 months after her first maternity leave).
She was telling me how tough she is finding it, and feels like she can’t work to the same standard as she did before she had her daughter.
Now she’s a mum, her priorities have changed – she works part time and she struggles to feel like she’s done a good piece of work when she doesn’t have the same kind of time she had before. She’s realised as well that even if she did have the time, she doesn’t want to be spending all of that time doing work, she wants to be with her family.
This whole situation can end up feeling like a real battle – you might feel dissatisfied with the work you’ve done and you end up being hard on yourself about that. You might have feelings of imposter syndrome and like you aren’t good at your job anymore. It feels really hard to get yourself out of this kind of thinking too, so you start to feel frustrated with yourself and the situation.
I could definitely relate to how she was feeling – I went from a successful career in management before kids which was a huge part of my identity and I prided myself on being a high achiever. After kids, I just didn’t feel the same about my career and didn’t have the same motivation as I did before because my priorities had shifted so much.
I also think that it feels tough because we were used to being defined by our careers for so long, and then when we become a mum, this is a huge shift in our identity and it takes a while for our minds to catch up with that huge shift.
I believe that this space where you are feeling in limbo, can be a positive because you get into a process of re-evaluating and working out if how you feel is to do with doing something different and totally changing career or if it’s about changing the way you approach your career.
If you feel in this space right now, know that it’s completely normal to feel dissatisfied, frustrated and like you need to re-evaluate everything.
To help you work through these feelings, try journalling around these questions and see what comes up for you:
- What is the biggest struggle around your career right now?
- If your best friend came to you and told you that she was finding things hard in her career now she was a mum, what advice would you give her?
- How can you lower the expectations you put on yourself in your career, even if it’s just a tiny bit?
I am really good at supporting mums with kids under 4 to work out what that different career might look like for you, and working out how you can change the way you approach your career too – I’d love to hear from you if you feel like you need some support in this area.
Jenna Folarin 